Over the weekend I had dinner with friends and while we were talking about different relationship issues, something came up that has my brain working overtime trying to "get it" or at least understand what she understands about pride and feeling proud.
Here's how this unfolded, the three of us were having dinner, a lovely dinner by the way, sitting outside by candle light and a full moon. We were discussing some of the challenges of balancing jobs, family, kids, friends, and extracurricular activities in a relationship. One of the biggest things is effective communication and understanding how we as individuals communicate and in turn, how our partner communicates.
She told a story of something her spouse did that made her extremely proud and I immediately asked her if she told him she was proud of him. He chimed in that that when he did it, he felt like she was upset that he had chosen to help this other person instead of spend time with her. I asked again, "Did you tell him you were proud of him?" She said no, she didn't feel she had any right to be proud of him. Huh? Even as I type this, I don't get it. Of course I asked, "Why would you feel you need a right to feel proud of your spouse?" She replied that she didn't have anything to do with who he is. Sure, his mother could be proud and tell him she is proud, after all, she raised this fine man to be who he is today. This still did not make sense to me. I don't think I can only be proud of people and their accomplishments if I have a direct hand in making whatever it is happen. I can be proud of Dave for serving our country and for being a great dad. I am proud of many of my friends for taking charge of their lives, going back to school to get a degree or even my mom and my aunt for writing (and completing) their book about our family's history. Other than being born into this family, I had no hand in that awesome project, but I sure am proud of my mom and my aunt for finishing it.
I went back to him and asked him why he thought she was mad at him. He replied that because she said nothing, he took that to mean that he should have chosen to spend his time some other way, likely with her. Because that was his interpretation of how his spouse felt, he never went back to help this person again. Here is the irony, the act of helping the person made his spouse feel that he was the kindest, most generous man - more than any other man she's ever known but she did not feel like she could tell him that she was proud of him because she had/has nothing to do with his evolution to this point as a person. When she said nothing, he felt he'd done something wrong or at least not to her liking, so he never did it again. Talk about a moment that required a moment of deep thought!
I still don't understand her mindset or belief that she needs to have some kind of vested interest in someones success to be "allowed" to feel proud and actually tell them. The bigger shame is that all this time passed and he didn't know how she really felt (feels) - she is proud of this guy, even if she thinks it's not allowed, her heart knows something different. I hope she listens to her heart more and enjoys how good it feels to be proud of the people we love, it really does feel good, but not better than it feels to hear that someone we love is proud of us!
Monday, August 24, 2015
It's starting to feel like fall with cool nights, but it still feels a lot like summer with warm, long days. I love this time of year and I love when the days start to get noticeably shorter and cooler.
I start school this week and as you all know, I love being a student. I love learning new skills with regard to design and digital media and even more than learning new skills, I can't wait to start creating awesome pieces of art for work and just for fun.
Mason is really liking middle school, I had no doubt he would. He was nervous and told me numerous times prior to school starting that he wasn't sure how it would go. I just reassured him that he would be fine and I thought he would really like having more subjects and two teachers, actually three. The sixth graders in middle school have two primary teachers and another who teaches their elective(s). Mason's elective is band and he is learning to play the trumpet. I love that he is learning to play an instrument and read music, as creative as he is, this will only compliment his skill and knowledge base int he arts. In addition to school, Mason is really enjoying football and of course, he has a busy fall cooking season coming up. Stay tuned, I'm sure I will have lots to share in the coming weeks.
Monday, August 17, 2015
We made it back and boy did we have a great trip! I’ve never taken a trip to New York that I didn’t have a great time, but this one was pretty cool. Mason and I did some things we haven’t done before. Oh, we did the usual stuff like visit Times Square to watch the crazy street performers, we went to my favorite bakery supply store where I bought supplies for Christmas cookies, and we shopped from a few of the street vendors. The new experiences were awesome, Mason got to go shopping at Dylan’s Candy Bar, otherwise known as, “The Ultimate Candy Store” and indeed, it is ultimate! It is three floors of everything candy and if you’ve ever wondered what the literal meaning of a kid in a candy store looks like, you should have seen Mason check out every square inch of that place. We also had a great time exploring Eataly, a mall-like shopping experience that is several restaurant and specialty shops all under one roof. The restaurants are sectioned off by displays of unique products specific to that restaurant or cafe. It is something that you must experience in NYC if you are a foodie. Finally, we can’t visit NY and not stop in Central Park. We rented bikes and rode through the whole park, it was gorgeous and the wether could not have been more beautiful. We stopped to play and it was so much fun to find that so many of the playground in the park have water features. It’s not as if they are water parks exactly, it is just that each play ground has some sort of fountain or water castle for the kids to play in and cool off - without actually swimming. And speaking of swimming, the north end of the park has a community pool that is ginormous!!! This pool is gorgeous and it is absolutely huge, and not only that, it’s free! The bike ride was worth every penny it cost to spend two hours exploring parts of the park I’ve never seen before. The only thing that could have made this trip any better was having Dave with us. Dave couldn’t come because he had to be in central California for work and there was no getting out of it. Hopefully next time we can all go together.
So now that we are home, Mason is back to school - middle school! Can you believe that, he is in junior high school. As much as I see time just flying by, I am loving that he has the same sense of adventure that Dave and I do. He is an awesome traveler and is only getting better as he gets older. I hope he still wants to travel with me and us when he’s grown, and when he has a serious girlfriend or wife, I hope she loves us as much as Mason does. I’ll do my best to facilitate and foster the best relationships possible - yes, I’m setting my intention! Have a great week and make magic happen, you can do it, I know you can.
Monday, August 10, 2015
Oh happy, happy Monday! Yes, I’m happy today as Mason and I are in New York for a few days. We had an opportunity to participate in a little cooking competition and decided to jump in with both feet. The details can’t be revealed just yet, but suffice it to say, we are having a blast and as soon as I can share all about it, I will!
We will be here until Thursday and then it will be back to reality, school will have started for Mason and my classes will start shortly after his. I’ve been working while I’ve been out of town, but hey, I’m a Realtor, we never stop working! I’ll share all the details of our trip next week.
Monday, August 3, 2015
For those of you who want to say Cecil was "just" a lion and you don't understand the mass uproar, you are completely missing the mark. Cecil may have been "just" a lion, but he was also a majestic animal that many loved. He had a pride and 24 young cubs. He was a living creature who several humans shamelessly lured out of safety, shone a spotlight on for a man who paid two men $55,000 dollars to shoot with an arrow. I don't know a hunter alive who would let an animal suffer after being shot for 40 hours, do you? Then to behead and skin? When you hunt, do you pay someone to bring you an animal and shine a spotlight on it for you? That is not hunting.
This uproar is about serious lack of judgement and sensibility of some humans. If it weren't Cecil, it would have been any other animal who was tortured for no good reason whatsoever. Your dollars and or your ego do not entitle you to torture another living creature. I am glad there is an uproar and I would like nothing more than to see hunting for mere sport illegal worldwide. There, I said it. Love me or hate me, that lion did not deserve to die like that to be a prize on some piss ass dentist's wall. Tell me again that my sweet Riley Ro was "just" a dog.