Moving Forward, I'm Looking Back

Moving forward, I'm looking back and goals and aspirations from my past and it's very interesting to me to see how long I have had many of the same goals. On one hand, it makes me realize that I am not doing enough to see some of the simpler things all the way to fruition. On the other hand, I can also see how far I have come personally and how far we've come as a family. A couple of nights ago Dave and I went to bed as we usually do, watched the news and then snuggled in to fall asleep. Typically, Dave is sound asleep in seconds and it takes me a little longer to quiet my mind and actually fall asleep. Not this night, I tossed and turned, the dogs were bothering me being on the bed, I could hear Spencer breathing like he was panting right in my ear, and I just couldn't get comfortable. I stayed in bed trying to talk myself to sleep until I just couldn't do it anymore. I was thinking about my next career as a speaker and that I have my subject matter all wrong, at least my introductory subject matter. I got up and started digging into my old ZipperBack Gloves and Intentional Winning blogs and guess what I found? A post from 10/22/2010 that read -

Yep, It's True...I Have Doubts.

While talking to my friend Alice this week, I admitted to her that I have trouble telling people my dreams and aspirations. I could feel her bewilderment across the phone line. I went on to explain that in junior high and high school I tried out for cheerleading every year and never made the squad. I never told anyone about the tryouts, or really talked about it at all, but I went ahead and tried out never really believing I could make the team. Guess what? I never made the team. Some of my girlfriends that did make the squad did nothing but talk about try-outs. Everyone knew they were practicing, creating routines, and couldn't do this or that because they had to practice for try-outs. I just couldn't bring myself to tell people I wanted to be a cheerleader as I thought they would think I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough, or who-knows-what enough!

Fast forward to today. My dream is to make my living as a Speaker teaching my Intentional Winning concepts, sharing my journey as an Entrepreneur with ZipperBack Gloves, and right now educating folks about loan modification. As I speak up (pun intended!) and share with people that I want to speak, as soon as they ask for my resume or ask for samples of my work, I cower. I find myself right back in that 15-year-old girl’s body feeling like I'm not enough. I know I'm enough! I know I'm a dynamic speaker with wonderful, useful things to share.

My point to all of this is that no matter how self-assured one is, there is always room for doubt. The trick is to send it on its way as soon as it pops up. When I recently had someone ask for my speaking resume, I waited to reply. I waited to let my knee-jerk, insecure reaction subside so I could send a reply that depicts the real me, me that is qualified to speak on their radio show. I sent them an excellent reply. I didn't get the gig, but I didn't back out either, so to me, that's a win!

It's okay to have doubts and feel fear as long as you can also feel sure and confident when faced with the former. You can, I know you can because I can and I'm no different than you are. We are all magnificent and more than enough!

Here we are 9+ years later and only last year did I make significant strides toward that goal of being a paid speaker. Yes, paid! It's time this year for me to make my dreams a priority. I've set Mason up to be any kind of success he wants to be, it's now up to him to create the forward momentum. That's true for Dave as well, he's now retired and in the driver's seat to steer his dream-machine wherever he wants to go. It's a strange feeling to be standing here at this point in my life and realize that nobody really needs me, I can do the things I want to do, for me. Don't misunderstand, our family is tight and of course, we need each other, but not in the same dependant way it's been in the past. 

Today I am not going to be that insecure young girl, I am going to not only talk about my dreams and aspirations, but I am also going to take the actions that move me toward them. While I was reading back on my life, I was also feeling inspired and making notes of the things I can do right now to make those dreams not come true, come true. Does that sound familiar? That is the very premise of Intentional Winning in Life, sharing with others that there are things one can do right now to start moving in the direction of their dreams. It's 2020, it's time to start taking my own advice and walking the walk. Just watch me make this happen!