Monday, January 30, 2017

What is Your Intention When You Talk?

So here's the deal, a few nights ago Dave, Mason and I were on our way back to Auburn from Rachel's birthday dinner. We were singing along to the music and laughing at really silly stuff. I started to tell a story and referenced BoBa the Hut - Dave and Mason roared! It's Jabba the Hutt they corrected me and Mason taking it a step further to say boba are those little round things that pop in your mouth. That lead to jokes about being round and then fat jokes. If you know me and know us, you know we make jokes like this all the time…through the laughter and many one-liners, I told Mason he was just fat for his height - we all roared again. In our moment of "you had to be there" hysteria, we were just so tickled with the wording we laughed some more repeating - You're just fat for your height. I did go on to remind Mason that he's the only one in the car with a fighting chance, as he's still growing and will likely lose his pudge in no time. His dad and I, not so much. SO, my post on Facebook was that I called Mason fat for his height, tequila may have been on board, but we were still laughing about it. 

If you KNOW me, really know me (and I know not all of you social media friends do), you would know that I've struggled with bulimia since I was 13. Mason and I have talked about this (and sex, and drugs, and death) more in depth than most people would be comfortable with. Last night was all in good spirits and fun. It's hard to know when one can joke about this and when it will be harmful but we've found safe space. It's real life, we come from a fat family and we need to deal with it - with love as much as we can. 

I deleted the thread on Facebook because though several of my friends laughed, and joked along with us, several did not.There was one friend who wanted me to know that her ex-husband had really hurt their middle son with fat jokes and that comment opened the door for another “friend” to really hammer me as to why my post and comments to Mason were “SO NOT COOL!” Do you people know me? Clearly not. So many people don't know the inner workings of our family and I get that, but that makes me think, I either need to make my space on social media for you all, or I need to make it for me. I don't want to have to explain something fun that I wanted to document on my page to some who feel I may not know better. I also understand that one just meant to bring to my attention the danger of the subject, but in fact it took the joy out of it by putting it on my wall instead of in a private message. Once she chimed in on that vein of danger and hurt, another comment came that was even more scolding. I think you all can see how that goes. With all of this said, our entire world needs to lighten up, including those of us who take everything about our bodies so seriously. There are people right now struggling to stay alive and then there are people like us who are worried about a few extra pounds? That's what I would talk to Mason about. I would explain to him while some are fighting for their lives, we can make a joke about a few extra pounds, and as a preteen he's more well-adjusted than many, not unsusceptible to those dangers, but I think I'm incredibly plugged in. ❤ If you know me, you know that I would never say something that I know would hurt anyone, let alone Mason.

I would just ask that all of us ask ourselves, "What is the reason I feel I need to say this? Is it for me? Will it help? Does this situation need my help? Should I send a private message?" You may not believe it, but IF you know me, if you really are my friend in the true sense of the word, you would know that I ask myself these questions darn near every time I think to open my mouth. Let’s just all try a little harder to be mindful and kind, I mean really, what could it hurt?
 

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