A Letter To My Son As He Starts High School

Dear Mason,

This letter is long and it is somewhat as much for me as it is for you, maybe more for me. You’re outgoing, smart and social. You work hard, set goals, and meet them. You make consistently good choices, except when you won’t write a book with me because you want to play video games. You have a compass suited for self-direction. You’ve grown taller than me. You’ve even grown away from me - pushing back, questioning - becoming an individual with thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and experiences separate from your dad and I, and I love it. All of this, as hard as it can be to face, which is the point of raising children - to guide you growing up, send you out and watch you make your way, making this world a better place. So, we start the great journey of high school soon, the final frontier between childhood and your future.

This is new territory for me and I'm excited for you because I know what's coming. I'm also sad because I have to let you go… tomorrow, you will embark on a new, life-changing chapter that will mark your path into adulthood. It seems like yesterday I was rocking you and penning Monday Motivators, which by the way, I am way behind on. And in the blink of an eye, we’re already here. You are a high schooler.

All summer I thought of this, without tears, only the logic of being a mom. You, my son, are just ready. Like you were ready to go to preschool at two years old like you were ready to play with the kids at the hotel pool in Windsor, “I hear fun! Hi, I’m Mason, M-A-S-O-N!” and you jumped right in the pool to play with the kids, you have never been afraid. I always found comfort in that you are always just ready to take on the world. Even if heading into this new chapter means it ends that much quicker, it is exciting for all of us.

But recently, as the start of the school year draws near, I feel myself hesitating. I have so much I want to say, or maybe I’ve said it all, but I want to be sure you know, make sure it’s all in one place. So here I go, writing it all down so you don’t have to remember, you can come back and look at it. Now I’m asking myself, “Have I said everything that I need to say? Has he heard me?“ I feel so good about the foundation your dad and I have laid for you and feel proud of what we have done, how you have grown and the potential for all the success I see coming for you.

But still, I think of the barriers, the blocks, and the challenges to getting you on the other side of these next four years - happy and whole.

Here I am, your dad, too, we are here for you, with all of our hearts, our loyalty, and our relentless commitment to parenting you. And of course, all the other stuff I know and want you to know, that even listed here, still doesn’t seem like enough. There is more I want you to know. But I’m sure it will feel like that for the rest of my life so I’ll just need to stand with you while you live it now in high school, and in the background, once you are on your own, and then a phone call away while you are creating your own family.

As you enter high school, I have some last minute, but timeless advice for you. I hope you look back at this letter and see that these points are valid and will not only serve you now but all of your life. Dad and I won’t always be there at every turn or place of challenge for you, but we can share some of our best advice as you enter this new stage–because we’ve been there, too.

So, as you enter high school here are some of the many things I want you always to remember…
#1.  I started with my handwritten card encouraging you to learn to write nicely, cursive if you are so inclined, but learn to hand-write with your own style and flair. No matter how you choose to express yourself, you will want to write a love letter or two in your life. When you are famous you will need a flash signature, not a printed one.

#2.  We’re more alike than we’re different. We are all a little nervous showing up. On day one as you walk on to campus, you will be faced with guys who are way more developed than you. Guys who could be GQ models, with cars and girlfriends… This may be a little intimidating, but don’t let it hinder your confidence. Don’t compare yourself to others now or ever. Be patient and kind to yourself & others and know that high school is just one stepping stone to the rest of your life. You will look back and see that even the model guys were insecure and worried about being liked and fitting in. We are all more the same than we are different.

#3.  Don’t lose "you," in our eyes, there’s no one who can equal who you are. You’re smart, kind, a hard worker when you want to be, and your love for life keeps my heart happy. You have certain gifts and uniqueness’s that no one could match, and we love that about you! Please don’t try to change who you are just to impress others or make more friends. Find your identity and fight the temptation to change who you are to please people. You are an amazing soul – exactly the way you are, don’t apologize unless you’ve wronged someone - not for being you, for telling the truth, or for standing up for the underdog.

#4.  Be a good friend. Even if you have just a few close friends who really get you, that’s success. Having lots of followers and “likes” may work for some people, but when it comes to real friendships, real-life relationships, a few are superior to many. There’s nothing better than looking back at your life and having a couple of friends who have been witness to your memories. Be a good friend to have good friends and be kind to the people you encounter, not just now, but always. #KindnessRocks #ThinkOfMax

#5.  Be the guy who is respectful to the new kid in class, to the substitute teachers, and say hi to the kid alone in the cafeteria. Be the guy who stands up to the bully and if you can’t stop him or her, get someone who can. Remember the Go Giver? Be the guy who gives and all you want and need will come back to you.

#6.  High School is a great time to learn about relationships of all kinds and that includes girls. Don’t allow that one part of high school to direct the rest of your life. I really can’t stress this one enough. High school is a time to discover who you are, have a ton of fun, work out your insecurities, laugh, and so on. Please don’t let a girl(s) stress you out. As you already know we can do that, young women are learning to figure this stuff out just like you are, most times, letting things cool off and a little time pass is the best course of action. That time will help you respond to and not react to a situation. I hope you have lots of girls who are friends, but seriously, now is not the time to get so focused on a single girl. High school is a great time to learn how to treat young women with respect, honor, and kindness, please don’t forget that.

#7.  Get good grades. They matter not just to get you into the college you want to go to, but because they prove your ability to meet deadlines, do superior work, and take direction. It feels good to get good grades just like it feels good to finish a project, or put in a hard day’s work and get paid. Your grades are your paycheck for the next four years.

#8.  Don’t wish this time away. Right now, you’re probably excited to start on this new journey, planning what to wear the first day of school, and thinking about who you will see from EV Cain, and meet from Bowman, but all that will soon fade and you will be up to your eyeballs in homework and upcoming projects. You will have to write essays, do research papers, midterm exams, and you will just want it all to be over. It will suck! Trust me, don’t blink, it will come and go so fast, and you will look back, five, ten, twenty-something years later and see those were some of the best years of your life. Please enjoy the journey, the good, the bad, the ugly, the fun, all of it, it will go by so fast. Remember, each experience is shaping who you are and the adult you are going to be.

#9.  You can always talk to me, or your dad…or me - ALWAYS! I’m so glad you talk to me about your feelings. You’ve always come to me with body stuff, girl stuff, and the stuff that makes you feel like you need to stand your ground. Keep it up! High school may feel different, you may not want me to know what you are thinking or planning, but please, if you are scared, think you may be in trouble, or just need me, speak up. You may find yourself in a situation that I won’t like, and you might be right, but you can still come to me. The consequences will always be less if you come forth with it and let us get to work on solutions than if you lie or keep quiet, they are often one in the same by the way. These years will make up some fun and exciting times, but they can also be confusing, too. Your heart isn’t ready for all that may be coming. Remember when I told you I wanted to be selective with whom I handed your heart to? That’s still true, I will be very careful and even then, I will still hold it safely in mine. I got you fam. ;)

#10.  There is no one-way, there are lots of ways. Take as many orange roads as you can, they will lead you to new adventures, new friends, and more opportunities than you can ever imagine. Listen for the pieces of life that excite you, that make you feel full and engaged and go towards them.

Intentional Winning In Life

#11.  Play. Join. Volunteer. Work. Help others. Try new things.

#12.  Think carefully about how you talk to and about others. Think about what you say and how you say it. You cannot un-ring a bell and you cannot unsay words. You know this, you can say you are sorry, but that is not always enough. Think, say what you mean and mean what you say. The wisdom of meaningful words is powerful. Only second to the power of silence, choose carefully.

#13.  Be good to people. All people. See the best in them even if you have to look really hard.

#14.  Be proud of yourself, your family, your friends, your school, and your community. Be proud of how you have contributed already and that you are a Chopped Junior Champion. Play to your strengths until you find you are strong in other areas, too. Try out, participate, play, compete, sweat, learn to win and lose, just show up and play the game. Tune in and love how it makes you feel and learn about yourself and life along the way

#15.  Be a serious student, not just in high school, but in life. You were given a creative, sharp, and curious mind. Challenge it. Ask questions. Think critically. Cultivate a love of learning and life will instantly become more fun because you want to, not have to.

#16.  Build relationships in abundance, every time you meet new people, new orange roads present themselves. Every new introduction is a new opportunity to build your network, ask questions, learn about people and they will want to know more about you.

#17.  Be safe. Please don’t drink or use drugs. You are so amazing without those poisons. Your brain needs more time to develop, let it do its thing without altering it and possibly hurting you or the people you are with. Wear your seatbelt, don’t text and drive, and don’t get in cars with people who you KNOW drink or use drugs. You do not have to chug things and participate in competitions about who drinks the most, smokes the most, or does the most whatever of things. Tide pods are not candy and you can’t swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. Call me. Call me. Call me. Text me 52 and I will call you to tell you I need to come get you - it won’t be on you, it will be on me.

#18.  Wait for sex. Please. You have an amazing life ahead of you and not only will the emotions of intimacy and sex complicate your life, a baby will change the course of your future completely. It will not end your life, but it will close so many doors. If you find yourself in love and unable to wait another minute — know consent means two people verbally, deliberately, clearly saying the word “Yes.” If you are not sure, wait! If you are sure and so is she, wear a condom. Every damn time, no matter what she says, you take responsibility for your actions - wear a condom. Babies & STIs — they’re real and they CAN happen to you.

#19.  Save your money, for every dollar you make, save .40 cents. If you can manage to save and invest just $100 a month for the next 8-10 years, you can have millions when you retire at 62 - think about that, just 10 years of investing and you do not have to invest or save again, that money invested will take care of you later.

#20.  You can say no to anything at any time. Your body, your mind, your heart. Never forget you have choices. No is always one of them. Unless I ask you to write a book with me or do the dishes. That’s different.

#21.  Take risks and mess up - FAIL. Preferably in a typical, correctable, healthy, learn-from-your-mistakes kind of way. Still, be vulnerable and brave enough to always reach and grow and stumble beyond what you thought you could do. Laugh at yourself and roll with the punches, but learn from your mistakes. And remember, if your friends are going to do something stupid, and you can hear me or your dad in your ear, listen! You will be on the news as the kid cook who got arrested. If nothing else, that kid cook thing can be your out when you are feeling peer-pressured to do something you know is not right.

And if you remember only one thing, let it be this: Whether you do or you don’t — our love for you is not conditional, not measurable, not connected to the outcome of your life. We will feel proud and we will feel disappointed. We will be certain and we will be afraid. We will know some things and there will be other things we won’t know. We are still growing and changing and figuring life out, too. Underneath all of this life we are living, all of this life we are trying so damn hard to get right, our love for you runs steady and unchanging. Even in the messy emotions and my infinite offerings on how to live fully, my love for you and your dad is the only thing I know for sure. It is my only guide.

So go forward and do your thing, with hair-flips (stop the damn hair flips), crazy socks, and voice cracks. Embrace it all. Just be you. It’s the best way to be. 

Love, Mom and Dad

Thank you to Janell Burley Hofmann and  Jenna Orme for the inspiration when I knew I wanted to pen this letter but just couldn't seem to put it all together on my own.