24 Years Of Poobahs

Happy Day! It's the week following Poobah so to say I was tired (more like busy) yesterday would be a gross understatement. I kept telling myself to sit and write but the laundry, dishes, and unpacking just seemed to keep going, or coming. Exactly! It was that kind of manic Monday.

This was the 24th Grand Poobah and the last one I will be organizing. It seems that there are enough people who enjoy the event as much as I do that they have put together a committee to carry on the annual camping trip into year 25. I'm happy to know that for a number of reasons, mostly because I look forward to seeing everyone and camping. Also because Mason is now at an age where he is able to be a bit more independent and that makes the weekend so much more fun for him. He learned to sail the laser this weekend, all by himself. I was so proud of him, he took the initiative to take the little sailboat out by himself, at one point it flipped and he followed the directions of Mike and Rob (two separate times) to right the boat, get it back on course and keep on sailing. What a young man he is growing into! On Friday night he was so tired he went to put his pajamas on and come back out by the fire. I asked him why he changed if he wasn't ready for bed. He replied, "Mom, I'm so tired but I don't want to miss any fun so I will come out in my pajamas just in case I fall asleep in my chair by the fire." I assured him it was safe to call it a night as we had all of Saturday and night to look forward to. The look of sleepy relief on his face as he crawled into his sleeping bag was worth it's weight in gold. We celebrated the 80s with big hair, bright crazy colors, and blue eye shadow. It was nutty fun.

I have been in a bit of a slump the last week or two. This has been a period in my life of deep reflection and many conflicting realizations. Many of you know me to be an optimist, entrepreneur, and go-getter. All of that is true, though I feel like I work hard, believe in my efforts and succeed at few. How am I defining success you might ask? I'm asking that very question, too. I am wildly successful in love, marriage, family and friends. How many (monetarily) wealthy people would give every cent they have for what I have in this area of life? I don't know but I suppose some would. I certainly wouldn't trade my love for money. With that said, is this my lot in life? Is the big man (or woman, Mason is sure God is a woman) upstairs looking down wondering why I spin my wheels working to gain monetary wealth when I have my blessings already? Are there Haves and Have-Nots in terms of financial security? Do some people make money easily while others, no matter what they do, just never seem to get out of the paycheck to paycheck cycle? Are we predestined to a future or can we truly control the outcome of our lives? And how do we know where we land is not predetermined? Look at reality show characters like "Snooki" (from Jersey Shores - I don't watch, but when I hear news like "Snooki paid more to speak at Rutgers than Pulitzer Prize Winner Toni Morrison." I have to wonder.) making millions of dollars for being a ditz. Her advice to Rutgers students, "Study hard but party harder." Really? I'm a loan modification expert who can really help people sort through the foreclosure crisis but in California, it's illegal for me to charge for this kind of help, even crazier, I'm at risk of fines, losing my real estate license and more for giving my services away!

This is starting to ramble and I don't want to sound ungrateful, I'm not. Someone said to me once that entrepreneurs spend all the money they ever make trying to make more money and most never do. What I'm contemplating is if I need to let go of my lofty dreams and revel more in the love of my husband, son and friends. Let go of ideas of disposable income and just be happy where I am. Can I live without goals? And can I have aspirations that I don't believe can come true? If so, what's the point? To be, or not to be? That is the question.