It's Monday and for many, a holiday. Happy Martin Luther King Day. School is out and Dave has the day off so we all know what that means...sleeping in! While the two of them are asleep, I am here on the couch enjoying a cup of coffee and a gorgeous blue sky outside. I am thinking about my new years resolution to get honest and frankly, I'm stalled. I'm finding that I get stuck in what feels like a spider web sticking to me from all sides. What will he/she think? Say? What will the reaction be? Will my truth be seen as more or less serious than I see it? Will a duologue be had or will judgment be cast? If judgment is cast, what will that mean? Will I lose my power if I'm perceived as weak or broken? All of this is plain and simple fear, but at what point is fear healthy and sane? It's easy to advise someone else that no matter what the fallout might be, that honesty is the best policy. Would you tell your boss you had a prescription drug addiction? The trouble with the truth is it can be dangerous. This all goes back to what I said at the beginning of the year about public persona versus what's real. Is it better to simply deal with what is real and do what you can to make right what is wrong - getting really honest personally? Seeking help and confiding in trusted sources may be better than opening Pandora's box for the world to see. From my perspective, once the world sees it, each person is forced to do something with it...from simply dismissing the knowledge (who cares?) to being rocked with fear not knowing what will happen next (something ones young children might feel). I suppose it all depends on what needs confronting and only the individual person can decide what the right thing to do is. I'm feeling that getting honest is a good thing, but doing it in a responsible way is equally important. Addressing issues with only the people who need to be involved and working to feel less fear and shame is really the goal anyone who wants to come clean is looking for, don't you think? I really do want to know what you think of this topic.
For today, I want to create. I want to learn more about my camera in manual modes and take some pictures of my boys. For those of you who are local and are interested in having some pictures taken, let me know. I need to practice and would love to shoot you! If you have today off, enjoy! If not, take a moment and be grateful you are gainfully employed.
Let me leave you with a quote and a link... "I have a vulnerability issue. I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love and I think I have a problem. And I just, I need some help. Here's the thing, no family stuff, no childhood shit, I just need some strategies." Brene Brown
The 20 minute talk this is from is worth every minute of your time...click here
2 comments:
Kathy, I too have made honesty be a new part of my life in the last 2 years. It's amazing how much healing has come to my life and how freeing it is to share my struggles rather than hide, worrying about what others would think if they knew the "real" me. I am proud of you for taking this huge step. You are braver than most people are. Excited to watch you walk the journey.
Thanks Kara! Your support means a lot, sincerely. This is a tough time, figuring out what beliefs are mine and why... it's a strange place to be. I hope you and your beautiful family are well!
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