I'm out of sorts. Mason, Gunner and I made the long drive to Utah to see my family. My mom has been declining in the recent months and it was just time to get there and see her. My mom waited for me to get there and then today, took a turn for the worse. Even though death is expected as our parents age, it brings out questions of mortality, and all kinds of emotions that are impossible to articulate. What's the point to working so hard for this, or making that just right? We're all going to die anyway. Of course, the point is that we make the most of each day that we have so when our time comes, we don’t look back with regret. We don’t wish we had tried harder, or done more. I know that I live out loud and I’m coaching Mason to do the same. It doesn’t matter if you step up and fall flat on your face. In fact, if that happens, it will be an epic story for years to come! Step up again, and again, and again. Learn to play the guitar, be an actor, skydive, take a cake decorating class, write a blog - make it you life story so your family has it when you’re gone, learn to dance and then go invite someone you don’t know to dance with you, the list could go on and on. Ultimately, make the most of today - no, every day.
Tell those you love that you love them. Let the little shit go. It seems the disagreements only matter if we think we can continue arguing our point. What if you are walking away for the last time? You can't talk about it any more...do you still want to be right? Even if you are? It's all so surreal. Faith really helps those that believe there is a home, they're going home to family and father. I get that, even if it's just for the comfort that there is something more, or better. What will it be like for our kids to have to say goodbye to us? That makes me even sadder.
It was a long drive both ways and an emotional trip. I want to thank my sister Teri Cartwright for taking care of my mom as she gets ready to transition to whatever is next. The job of the caregiver is not an easy one and my sister is the strongest, most giving person I know.
Sunday was Easter. It was a lovely day. We all slept in, Mason got to hunt for eggs that all had scratchers in them and ended with his basket that contained the entire series of The X-Files on DVD. He was over the moon! We watched tv, laughed, sat in the hot tub, and Dave made a traditional Easter dinner while I made brownies for dessert. Not a chocolate bunny in the house. It was so nice to just live the ordinary with my family, these are the moments that ultimately will be the most special memories, wouldn't you agree?
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