She passed away 2 1/2 years ago and we absolutely miss her. I’m the baby of five kids and my mom always joked that I was an accident. She would tell me how my dad went crazy yelling and screaming when she told him she was pregnant but then when he passed away, I learned he was over the moon to have me. Go figure!
Growing up, my mom and I were very close. I would say that being the last of five kids, she relaxed a lot and parented with more of a “go with the flow” attitude, in addition to wanting to do more with the last child because they are just that, the last one. I had a number of interests as a young girl and my mom supported most of them, mostly the ones she felt like she could support. I played little league baseball, I roller skated, rode horses, but more than anything, from the time I was eight years old, I wanted to be an actor. This is one she had no idea how to help me do so she told me I didn’t have what it would take to succeed in that industry. Before you judge my mom for not being supportive, let’s keep in mind, this was the 1970s and the women who were the ideals in the industry were Farrah Fawcett, Cheryl Tiegs, and Christy Brinkley. I was a young tomboy, chubby, not so tall and nothing about my look indicated that I could make it in show business.
My mom grew up in Shanghai, China, and spent several years in the Japanese internment camp as my grandfather was American. My mom met my dad, who was also an American Soldier and that is how she came to America. My grandmother and grandfather followed her immigrating to the US through Ellis Island. My grandmother and mother were so proud to become Americans, my grandmother was primarily Russian but also had some Polish heritage. From what I can tell, the immigrants of years ago wanted to be American, they didn’t want to reference their heritage by flying any flag other than the American flag, This didn’t mean we didn’t celebrate Russian Easter or have decorations from their childhoods, but they wanted to be known as Americans, they loved this country.
Though my mom did not have the wherewithal to help me break into show business, she tried to help me in other ways. When I wanted a horse, she told me if I saved enough money to pay for half, she would pay the other half. She never expected me to earn all that money over the course of one summer, but I did. Once I had my horse, she worked and saved her money to buy me the saddle I wanted. Yep, my mom’s full-time job paid for me to do the things I loved. I know you’re inclined to point the “spoiled brat” finger at me, but know that at 14 years old I worked, too. I had to work at the ranch where my horse was boarded cleaning stalls to pay for her board, and the cost of a horse meant I didn’t have the latest and greatest when it came to clothes and shoes, I understood lay-away from the time I was old enough to understand that I tried on clothes that I didn’t get to take home.
She did the best she could. My dad and she were married to the day they each died, but they were no Ward and June Cleaver. LOL! She was, for the most part, a single parent in terms of us kids. She took us camping with her best friend and our neighbor, we took day trips to Mt. Diablo, San Francisco, Frontier Village, Marriotts Great America, Marine World, and she even took me to Hawaii and New York. It is still an oxymoron to me that she made some pretty amazing things happen in our life but always told me, “Kathy, there are have’s and have-nots in life. We are have-nots, we don’t have money to do the things your friend's families have.” I heard her but I didn’t believe her. I recall a Saturday morning that I got up early and had my mind set to go get a job. She asked me where I was off to and I told her, she replied, “It doesn’t work that way Kathy, you have to go fill out an application, turn it in, wait for a callback, go interview and then if they like you, they will call you to offer you the job. It takes weeks.” I looked at her with a blank stare. I went downtown and was home less than an hour later with my first real job.
Holy cow, this is a long post! My mom was something else, she loved her kids to a fault and I mean that sincerely. She blurred the lines in an all-out effort to keep the peace. This was not always a good thing, in fact, it bit her in the butt more than once. I think I am such a stickler about telling the truth because I saw how her “white lies” hurt her and our family. I would rather know the truth even if I don’t like it than have someone lie to me. I know she meant well, she just never really learned that lesson. Happy Birthday mom, I love you and I appreciate all you did for us, and how much more you did for me.
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